You’ve certainly come a long way on your crop circles page when it came time to present during the last week of class! I see a lot of potential in the page, so I will be providing suggestions for you to work on this summer.
Content/specific sentence suggestions: You tackle an interesting topic, crop circles. While you mention why they are interesting in the last section, Why It’s Interesting, it would be better to move that information at the top so you can hook the reader in the beginning. And while you’re at it, you should use the crop circle image that you Googled up during presentation in class as your main image. Try to find an image similar to the ones you drew up for your proof. Here is a suggestion-because it’s got 3 tangent circles:
I say all of this because the beginning of the page is to capture the reader’s attention without scaring them away with the math. The main image that you currently have would be better left to the more mathematical section, but more on that later under my format suggestions.
Rewrite your Basic Description: Once you upload a new main image of real life crop circle, describe what makes it interesting! Talk about conspiracies, aliens! They’re quite intriguing because how could such formations be so proportional without looking like anyone created them. This will smoothly segway into the more mathematical section… 'Now we will look at a specific crop circle formation (refer to the 3 crop circles image you have) and use geometry to analyze the relationships between the shapes of the pattern…'
This brings me to some format suggestions: The current main image you have is visually striking, but could be better served by moving it down to the “A more mathematical explanation.” Before you launch into your proof, you should include a smaller subsection: “Tangents of Crop Circles” which will give the reader an idea of what relationship between the shapes of the pattern that you are trying to prove. Essentially, this smaller subsection could work effectively as a preface to your proof, where you try to summarize and set up to the reader the contents of your proof. Specifically, under “Tangents of Crop Circles”, you could include your current main image and move the information that you currently have under your “Your Basic Description” into this section.
Mathematical suggestions: You did a great job giving the proof a narrative style, complete with step-by-step visuals! Now, we should work on revising the actual mathematical content of the proof. From the beginning, it might help to explain why you decided to split your crop circle image into three lines, j k l and how that helps the proof out. Explain how that decision is consistent with showing how the crop circle formation is proportional… Also explain what role the two a’s play. Although you specify what all these letters mean, make sure to relate them to the overall scheme of the proof. You jump right into the proof without really having a clear beginning of what you are about to do.
Again going back to what I said about the lines j k l, be sure to explain how are these three lines are parallel. You need that information before justifying that triangles ABE and ACD are similar.
Something that Mr. Taranta mentioned in class that would be helpful to go back and revise is to explain why there is a perpendicular bisector that makes Angle EBF = 90 and DCF = 90. It seemed like this was an assumption, but it’s not! It plays a crucial part in your proof but it needs justification.
The other more algebraic parts of the proof made sense. However, some minor changes need to be made in displaying the math in math script. I see how you managed to prove the ratio 4:3. At first, I was confused as to what you were trying to specifically prove. But now, I think that you should make the first sentence of your narrative proof bold and label it as the proposition that you are trying to prove.
One last thing: While I was going over your proof, I was still confused by what circles you were referring to, as there are so many! Be specific about what circles you are referring to. Perhaps more accurate use of precise geometry vocabulary will help with that.
Phew. Lots of feedback. I really want to help you edit this page, because I can see this page going somewhere.
Hope this helps! Feel free to contact me at email@example.com if you have any questions.
--Lpeng1 14:03, 1 July 2013 (EDT)